Did you know that compassion is actually a skill you can increase? While it is somewhat innate, it's also something that we can cultivate. I learned this myself: Years ago, I wasn't a very nice person. Not horrible, mind you, but I was so in my head, I had a hard time being empathetic or understanding. I was in graduate school, studying long hours, always trying to prove myself to my teachers and fellow students.
One night, after studying late, I went down to the student lounge to get a snack and saw that someone had left the TV on. It was the 11 pm news and it showed a horrific train crash somewhere in Eastern Europe. It was a terrible scene of people hurt, dead or dying – smoke and destruction everywhere. But when I looked at this scene, I felt nothing. Nada. Zip. I felt empty. And I knew that was wrong. What happened to my compassion? Why couldn’t I feel anything?
I suddenly didn't like who I had become – cold, remote, unfeeling. And so, I left graduate school. And I made it a point to learn about compassion. I knew that Buddhism was particularly good with compassion, and I started doing Tonglen Meditation, specifically to cultivate compassion. And it worked. I become more compassionate with others and with myself.
The lesson for me? If there is something you don't like about yourself, you can change. What would you like to change about yourself? More joy? More serenity? More compassion? Go for it!
Rev. Sian Wiltshire is Orange Coast Unitarian Universalist Church's minister. Please feel free to reach out and say hello! She can be reached by email, revsian@ocuuc.org, or by church phone at (714) 556-2882 (x302).