Thoughts about the Complexities of Forgiveness
By Karen Anderson, AdultEducation
ocuuc
org (AdultEducationocuucorg)
We have just had an adult education series about forgiveness. We watched the film, “Amish Grace,” based on a true story in which a gunman took the lives of five Amish girls in a schoolhouse and then turned the gun on himself. The response of the Amish community was unconditional forgiveness of the shooter and they even offered comfort and support to his widow. Why did they do this?
Would you have been able to forgive this gunman? Would you have considered this a desirable thing to do? The Amish believe “if you forgive, peace will follow.” Gideon, the father of one daughter who was murdered, said, “This hate that is inside you, how does it feel? Hate will eat up your whole heart and then there is no room left for love.”
It has been said, “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” Does this make sense to you? Do you think it makes sense to forgive “all trespasses”? Are there some offenses that are harder to forgive than others? Are there some that you should not forgive?
Can you [should you] forgive someone who has not even expressed regret for their action and the harm they have caused? Perhaps forgiveness is not really about the other who has caused the harm; perhaps instead it is about the damage caused by the act of hating. The person who committed the offense has harmed you. And now, each day you hate you are causing more harm to yourself. The perpetrator’s ability to harm you ended when he committed the crime. Now, any harm that comes from your hatred is happening today and is under your control.
If the perpetrator asks you to forgive him, should you give it? Can you offer forgiveness to him? Perhaps your forgiveness is not about him and cannot help him. Instead it is about opening your heart. So, if he wants forgiveness, he needs to forgive himself. If he believes in God, he needs to ask his God for forgiveness.
Forgiveness is not about forgetting; it is important to learn from the incident. It is also not about inviting the perpetrator to cause further damage. It is still important to protect yourself.
This does not mean forgiveness is easy. The mother of one of the murdered girls said, “I am filled with anger, but I offer my anger up to God and I forgive. Sometimes I have to do that every hour.” What helps you to let go of anger?
What are your thoughts about the questions about forgiveness?
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